I was asked to participate in a female-center story-telling campaign that celebrates women by sharing their vulnerable stories. Here is mine. Thank you Karrio Ballard for asking me to be apart of such a great idea.
Super Woman In Ohio
Melissa Crum
As told to and by Karrio Ballard
“It’s going to be ok.”- Melissa Crum
I would call myself a feminist. I think one of the long term challenges of feminism is essentialism. Which says because you’re a woman you definitely want these things. You want to be married to a man, you want 2.5 kids, a house and picket fence, these are the things programmed inside us. But, the problem is there are women who don’t want men. There are women who don’t want the aforementioned “essentials.” We know this. We see this everyday. But, it’s interesting because the thing that kinda made me a woman, was this boy.
I’m not the first woman to ever have an unplanned pregnancy, but I feel like there are levels to unplanned. I’d say my level fell under SUPER unplanned. Being pregnant is and can be a scary thing, and I was no different. I slept all day, and when I wasn’t sleeping I cried the rest of the time. In the midst of all that, if I ever heard God talk to me it was then, and it was loud and clear, and the message was very simple, “it’s going to be ok.” From there I had to take a deep breath and rethink the way that I was approaching my current situation. So, for me I had to approach it almost like a job, which may sound strange, but I was a woman who never had the yearning that some women have to bare children. I realized this was another human being, and I have to make sure he survives. It’s now my responsibility to make sure another life has the toolset needed to make it in this crazy world.
So, I started to conceptualize motherhood and what exactly that meant and what does that actually look like for me. To a degree they say men marry their mothers, and so at the age of 23 getting ready to have this child, I had to ask myself as I was, spiritually, emotionally, mind, body, and soul, was I someone I would want him to bring home. That’s a very honest and difficult self reflecting question, but I knew I needed to be honest. In some areas I was okay, but overall I was not where I needed to be. So, that sent me into a spiral of constant self reflection and self evaluation of where I was going, and who I needed to become. So, this “job,” of parenting is a constant ongoing process of trying to build him up, and equip him with skills and the love necessary that will enable him to carry on, well after I’m gone. It’s forced me to become a more thoughtful person, and that’s something I really appreciate about him more and more everyday. Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook, and everyday a different challenge is presented. One of the things I love most about my new job is we get to grow together everyday. Step by step, little by little, situation by situation. It was this breaking down process that allowed me to rebuild myself, and have the strength that I would need to make sure that it would indeed be “ok.” As, I said everyday is a new challenge, but it allows me to think outside the box, and to always be mindful of the work I need to do within myself, to be who I need to be for him. I don’t know if that makes me a Super Woman or not, but it’s made me a better woman, and that’s ultimately the goal we all strive for right?
Sincerely yours,
The writer and the editor
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